What a Women Needs (Mothers Day)

Pastor Mike will be speaking on What a Women Needs (Mothers Day). He will be reading out of Proverbs 31:10-12.

We don’t raise our kids so that they are with us forever, and I know some of you, maybe your children have some unique challenges, and I’m not talking about those situations, but I’m talking about your average person. Raise them up so they can fly for the Lord Jesus Christ. This is Pastor Mike Sanders, Hope Worth Having.

Thank you for joining us, and it is Mother’s Day. We’re in the book of Proverbs 31. You’re going to laugh at my title, What a Woman Needs.

Not that I have figured it out, okay, but we’re going to look at the scriptures and try to understand it better, and we’re going to look at this classic passage, and I hope it’ll be an encouragement. Moms, thank you for all that you do for us sons and daughters, children, and the difference you make in the world, and so join me as we study the Word of God today. If you have your Bible this morning, I want you to join me in Proverbs 31.

I’ve entitled my message, What a Woman Needs. Now, I know that you ladies are saying, Pastor, you don’t know what a woman needs, and I concur, and no man knows what a woman needs, amen, but I needed a good title to get your attention this morning, but I do want you to know that Jesus Christ knows what a woman needs. And when we come to Proverbs 31, I just want to begin reading in verse 10, it says, Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies.

The heart of her husband safely trusts in her, so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life. Proverbs sets a very high goal for women, and that goal is that she be a woman of excellence.

And it’s not just that she would be a woman of excellence, but that she would be a woman of moral excellence. By that, I don’t just mean that she is pure, certainly that would be included, but moral excellence speaks of knowing the difference between what is right and wrong, and conforming to a standard of right behavior that honors the Lord. Proverbs talks about some of these traits, and I want to highlight a few of them this morning with you.

My first point is simply the five characteristics of the happy woman, and these are not only true for every lady present this morning, mother or not, but also even for us men. These are things that we can give attention to and can continue to work on in our hearts and in our lives. The first thing that I want you to see is grace.

What we all need is grace. The scripture says in Proverbs 11, verse 16, that a gracious woman gets honor and violent men get riches. Now, when we look at this word gracious in the Hebrew, it’s the idea of being generous, kind, hospitable, or charming.

These are the different ways in which the word is used in the Old Testament. The point is that she is not to be a woman who is hard and gruff, if you will, and this verse says that a gracious woman will be honored. Now, this is in contrast to what Proverbs 11, verse 22 says in contrast.

That brings us to our second thing that a woman needs, not only that she needs grace or that she needs to be a gracious person, but discretion. In verse 22 of Proverbs 11, the Bible says that like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman without discretion. Now, the Bible is not calling women pigs, so please don’t misunderstand the Bible, and sometimes when you read the book of Proverbs, you have to understand what is going on and what he’s trying to say to us that you can’t just put a ring on a pig in their nose and all of a sudden they become this wonderful person.

That’s not it. Rings of gold were worn by women in the Old Testament in their noses. I know it’s hard to believe, and I just wonder how painful that must have been to create that hole for that ring to fit in, but people wear these things as symbols of beauty or perhaps even sometimes they want to make some kind of a statement.

Now, some I believe very innocently believe that this is something beautiful, but I am not part of this younger generation, and I still am trying to figure them out, and it seems to be appealing to them. But what the Scripture is saying here in Proverbs 11 is that just by putting a ring on a pig’s snout doesn’t make them beautiful within or without. But what it is is helping us understand is that what makes a woman beautiful is who she is within, and that not only that she is a person of graciousness in that she is hospitable, welcoming, and warming, and that she is a blessing to many, but she has discretion.

When we see the biblical word discretion, it means discernment. It is certainly the ability to see what is right and wrong, but not just what is right and what is wrong, but to understand what is spiritually and biblically right and wrong. And so she chooses the right, and she advises the right, desiring more than anything to follow the biblical plan in what God has to say.

And so the verse tells us that a beautiful woman without discretion is simply like putting a ring of gold in a pig’s nose. It really doesn’t change her within. It doesn’t change who she really is.

So it’s not the outward beauty that is of most importance to a woman. Now, a lot of ladies are working hard on their outward appearance, and we’re not opposed to that, but we’re just simply saying that’s not the priority of your life, and that you gotta remember that the diligence that you give to make sure that you maybe hide those wrinkles or you make sure that everything is looking appropriately and beautifully, and I understand that, but I hope that you would give attention to your own heart, and that you would give attention to your own soul and your spirit and where you are at spiritually. So when a beautiful woman is compromising and she is living a life that is ungodly and unbiblical, it doesn’t matter how much makeup she has.

It doesn’t matter how fancy her hair is and what the latest haircut is that she has. What really matters is what is in her heart. What is it in her life, in her spirit, and her heart for the Lord Jesus Christ? That is what brings most beauty to any lady, and again, in our text this morning in Proverbs 31, we are reminded at the end, the Bible says in verse 30 of chapter 31, that charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.

When the Bible talks about a woman who fears the Lord, it’s not that we live in this state that we are afraid, that we can’t even move forward in our life because we’re dominated by fear, but it’s talking about a reverence and a respect for the Lord. It’s talking about the fact that a woman who prioritizes the Lord in her life, who makes Jesus Christ number one, that he is preeminent in her life, that he is more important, her relationship with him is more important than making sure that she’s all dressed up and fancied up, but that she makes it a priority in her life to walk with the Lord, and so she has this fear. The Bible says that she shall be praised.

As a pastor doing funerals, you see many people come up and give tribute to their mother, they give tribute to the special people in their life, and what is always amazing to me is seeing the influence of moms and grandmas upon their children, their grandchildren, and even their great-grandchildren, but I tell you that grandchildren are great, all grandchildren are great, great-grandchildren are great, and every child and blessing that God gives you is a blessing, but listen, remember the most important thing is what you want them to remember is your legacy of faith in Jesus Christ, because when it comes down to the end of life, the only thing that matters is our faith and our family. All the other stuff is just sideshows, and all of that means nothing compared to knowing the Lord Jesus Christ as your Savior and to having your family with you as you’re getting ready to be promoted into heaven, and so what is it that you want your family to say about you? What is it, ladies, that you want your children and your grandchildren and those wonderful great-grandchildren to say about you? And if it’s anything less than a woman of faith and a woman of great discretion and grace, then we are missing the target that God has for us. Proverbs 2 11 reminds us about discretion.

Discretion will preserve you. Understanding will keep or protect you. So these are important instructions that we’re given, and we need to ask the Lord to give us that discretion and that discernment so that we can continue to navigate through the challenges of life and the problems of life as we strive to influence our family and our friends and even those that God puts in our place that we might mentor and that we might encourage them and that we might help them to live a godly life, that God would give understanding and discretion to you ladies.

God has designed you ladies with inbuilt intuition about things, and many times my wife has given me advice and I, being foolish, have not taken it. All of a sudden I find out that she is right and she looks at me and she just smiles and says, told you so. But I tell you that when you are walking with the Lord Jesus Christ, when you are in the Word of God, when you are on your knees praying, seeking the Lord’s wisdom and discretion, that is when you will be this discerning Christian and be able to honor the Lord Jesus Christ and leave a lasting legacy that will go way beyond your life here on this earth.

And that’s the kind of lady that God is calling every woman to be this morning. We think about these characteristics of a happy woman. It is not only that she has grace and discretion, but she has virtue.

Again, we know that the Scriptures teach us that who can find a virtuous wife? Some translations say a virtuous woman. Who can find this virtuous woman? If she is found, she is worth far above rubies. That is that she is more valuable than all the riches of the world.

It is valuable to have a woman who is virtuous. The Bible says in Proverbs 12, 4, that an excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like the rottenness in his bones. A virtuous woman is a woman of moral character.

A virtuous woman is someone who is not only pure in her heart, but her thoughts, and she always strives for the right thing. She does not believe the worst in others, but she believes in the best of God’s good work of grace in their hearts. She possesses a godly character, making her a great value to her husband and to her family.

The Bible tells us that if a husband has a virtuous wife, he does not have to be concerned about her. He does not have to be troubled or stressed or anxious. He does not have to wonder what she is doing in secret.

A virtuous wife is someone who is willing to give up for others, to sacrifice and deny self. Jesus taught us that if we are to be a true disciple, we have to deny self and take up the cross and follow him. And not just follow him for a day, but follow him for the rest of our lives.

That’s what it means to be a disciplined, devoted disciple of Christ, and a virtuous woman is one who is dedicated to faithfully following the Lord Jesus Christ. But I want you to notice the second part of this verse in Proverbs 12, 4. It says, if she causes shame, it’s like rottenness in his bones. Think about that.

That a wife, if she lacks virtue in her life, she is slowly, inevitably, she is destroying that family. She is little by little, drip by drip, destroying her husband and destroying her family. And you may not think, ladies, look, I don’t have that kind of influence.

The truth is you do. And even though sometimes your influence is quiet, and maybe it’s not as bold, but it is there. And you’ve heard the statement that behind every great man is a great woman.

Can you believe that? I do. And I want you to know that also that there are many men who have been destroyed because they have a very contentious and unhappy and ungodly wife, a wife who will not follow the Lord. And the Bible tells us it’s rottenness in his bones.

And the idea is that there is this slow destruction that is taking place in their life. But I would go beyond just the husband. I would also say in the home.

That’s why every mother and every woman ought to make the cause in her heart that she would be a virtuous lady. And whether you have a husband or you don’t have a husband, the most important thing is that you would honor Christ. And you don’t want to shame your family name, but you definitely don’t want to shame the name of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

And so it is that all of us in our life, we should strive to not shame the name of Jesus Christ, that we strive to be virtuous in our hearts, that we might bring glory to God Almighty. Now, the next characteristic we find in the book of Proverbs is wisdom. The Bible says in Proverbs 14, 1, that the wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands.

This quality of wisdom is about understanding and knowledge and being able to have a positive and fulfilling impact upon the family. This is what God is calling us to do. A woman of wisdom knows how to connect.

She knows how to relate to her children, to her family members, and she understands her responsibility. She exercises care. There are times that she is firm.

There is times that she is flexible. There is times that she ministers, and there are times that she has to discipline. There is times that she is training, and there is times that she is encouraging.

But no matter what it is, she has the wisdom to navigate through those circumstances to influence her children, not only that they would be responsible adults someday and that they would go out and blossom for the Lord Jesus Christ, but that they would receive Jesus Christ as their Savior. Moms, please understand, you are the first missionary to your children. You should not wait for the preacher and the youth pastor and the children’s pastor or anybody else to try to evangelize your children.

You as a mom should be the first to do it. But not just moms, grandmas should be right up there doing everything that we can implant into the heart and the minds of our children, the gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ. It is important that we understand the impact of the home.

When the home is a mess, it is going to have a fatal effect upon the children. We see this all the time as a pastor, as we’re working with people, trying to help people and help them to work through the different problems that they have, and it’s always that there’s an absent father, there’s an absent mother, and you say, well, I’m here. You may be there, but are you there? Are you engaged in the life and the mind of your children? Are you actively involved in their education? Are you actively involved in their development emotionally? Are you actively involved in helping those students, those children to become in a right relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ? It’s very important.

Moms, I want you to know that it’s not your job to hold on to your kids forever. You are doing a disservice to your children. You want to raise your children to make it without you, right? And there was a day that we had to say, it’s time to fly.

And I fear that many mothers don’t want to give their children wings to fly. And the truth is, that’s not going to help them in the long run. And what you need to do is step into the life of your children, and you need to train them that they can function where they are dependent upon the Lord Jesus Christ, but they are interdependent in their relationship with you, meaning not that they’re independent from you, but they have a relationship where they can function without you.

That’s what the Bible teaches. We don’t raise our kids so that they are with us forever. And I know some of you, maybe your children have some unique challenges, and I’m not talking about those situations, but I’m talking about your average person.

Raise them up so they can fly for the Lord Jesus Christ. Have that wisdom on how to impact your home and to build your family up where they can make the most for the Lord Jesus Christ. Now, how do you use God’s wisdom for your life? Well, just three things I jotted down that I thought would be helpful.

The Bible tells us that wisdom comes from above, and we need to learn to seek that wisdom. So I would say, first of all, that we should research God’s Word to solve our problems. Now, there are always going to be problems, and your problem is not your problem, but it’s how do we react and handle our problems.

And there are times we handle problems right, and there’s times we handle it wrong. And the thing that we have to remember is let’s research the Word of God. Now, I want to tell you something.

The Word of God is our rule of life. What the Bible says is how we live. And people say to me sometimes, well, Mike, that doesn’t apply.

My friends, the Bible applies to our life, amen? And I want to hear that garbage. And I want to handle the Word of God. I want to handle things like the Word of God says, and I’m willing to stand on that to my death.

And I don’t care. People might say, oh, we want to do it our way. We want to do it this way.

This is what this says and that says. What does the Bible say is what I want to know? Research the Bible. Research the Word of God to solve your problems.

Second of all, allow God’s Word to guide you as you are dealing with the battles of life. So it’s not just that I have the knowledge of God’s Word, but I’m applying it and living by it. It’s one thing to have it up here in your head.

It’s another to use it in your life. And that’s when we say that we’re to trust the Lord. We have to trust the Lord to use the Bible.

We have to trust that His Word will work as we follow that Word. And moms, there may be times you want to retreat and you say, I’m not sure if that’ll work. And I want to try a worldly way, or I want to try my own wisdom way, or I want to try a fleshly way of how to do it only to find that it will fail.

And we’ve all experienced those moments where we did not rely on God’s wisdom, but we trusted in our own wisdom. But we allow God’s Word to guide us every step, and then we turn from your wisdom and we seek God’s wisdom. And the Bible tells us in Proverbs chapter 2 that we ought to seek it like gold.

And people are seeking riches, and they’re trying to get wealthy, and they’re going to try these different bitcoins and other means of finances, and they want to get wealthy, hoping that this will be the time that they finally see their ship has come in and they’re going to be wealthy, only to find out that it’s a dead-end road. True wealth is God’s wisdom. And the Bible tells us that if we lack wisdom, what should we do? We should ask.

If you lack wisdom, ask the Lord. And when’s the last time you asked the Lord for wisdom? When’s the last time that you sought Him? All right, let’s talk about prudence. When we talk about a happy, godly woman, she has prudence.

Proverbs 19, 14 tells us, “…houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.” What a blessing to have a prudent wife. The dictionary defines prudence as the ability to govern and discipline oneself for the use of reason and management of affairs, to have good judgment in the use of resources. That’s quite a definition.

But I want you to know that if God blesses you with a prudent wife, then you know it’s from the Lord. Proverbs 14, 18 says, “…the wisdom of the prudent is to understand his way, but the folly of fools is deceit.” We desire prudence in our life because we want to handle and we want to manage and we want to have good judgment of what God has entrusted to us. God gives us resources, as we already stated.

He blesses us with things. And so we want to make the most of it. When you go back to the Proverbs 31 lady, you notice there in verse 13, “…she seeks wool and flax and willingly works with her hands.” She is like the merchant ship.

She brings her food from afar. “…she rises whilst yet night and provides food for her household and a portion for her maidservants. She considers a field and buys it from her profits and she plants a vineyard.

She girds herself with strength and strengthen her arms. She perceives that her merchandise is good. Her lamp does not go out by night.

She stretches out her hands to the staff and her hands holds the spindle. She extends her hands to the poor. Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.

She is not afraid of snow for all her household is clothed with scarlet. She makes the tapestry for herself. Her clothing is fine linen and purple.” What I want you to see is that here this Proverbs 31 is a woman who is resourceful and she is not just someone who sits at home.

She is out there purchasing land. She’s doing some real estate. She’s making products.

She knows that her products are good and she sells those products. She provides and helps to make sure that her children are clothed and she not only makes sure that her family has what it needs but she is a woman who is always aware of the needy and the poor. And the Bible says that she is willing to extend her hand to the poor.

She reaches out her hand to the needy. And what I want you to see there is that she is intentional. She takes the initiative to reach out to those who are needy.

God has blessed her. He has given her resources and she wants to manage those resources not just for her family but she wants to manage them in such a way that she can help others. She is not just reacting to the needs of those who are poor but she is intentional in that she is reaching out to them.

She is proactive and she wants to step into their life and provide something for them. Because God has provided it to her. The Bible teaches us to whom much is given much is required.

And it is not just that we think about material wealth but it’s certainly things that we think about relating to the resources that God has given to us. And so we understand that these resources are to be used to be a blessing for our family and they are to be a blessing for those who are in need. Now I just want to point out a few things about the unhappy woman.

The scriptures are clear about this. And these are things that we have to consider. The unhappy woman has one major characteristic.

It is that she is contentious. In the book of Proverbs the contentious woman is referred to five times. The word for contentious can be translated in a number of ways.

One is angry. Other is nagging. And the other is quarrelsome.

And it comes from a word that means discord. It’s the same Hebrew word that the Bible teaches us that we’re not to sow discord among the brethren. It’s the same idea of a contentious woman.

A woman who is always upset. She’s always in a bad mood. And she’s always mad about something.

And her disposition is not one of grace but it is one of anger. And she is a person who is sowing discord. It is a contentious disposition.

And that creates a problem in the family. What Proverbs is saying to us in a kind of a humorous way when it tells us in Proverbs 21 9 that it’s better to dwell in a corner of a housetop than in a house shared with a contentious woman. Think about that.

Now in the Old Testament the Jewish people would build flat roofs. Unlike our roofs that are angled so the water, the snow, and all the weather can roll right off of it. They built flat roofs.

And what they’re saying here that in the days of Israel it is better to live in the corner of a roof with all of its challenges than the challenge of trying to live with a contentious, angry, bitter woman. And again scriptures are filled with this and you can research it yourself. So what is the problem? What is it that makes a woman so contentious? That she’s unbearable and that you can’t even live with her? Well I think Proverbs 30 verse 23 puts its finger on the root of the problem.

It reminds us that a woman who is unloved is the source of her contention. The most important thing a mother needs is true salvation. And so if you’re listening today and you’ve never trusted in Christ, Mom, it’s time to surrender your life and to repent of your sin and to receive Jesus as your Savior.

And I want to remind you that in Christ there is hope worth having.