How to Agree to Disagree Part 2

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Spotify | RSS | More

Here we see a disagreement between Paul and Apollos. Paul says, you need to do this, and Apollos says, nah, that’s not going to be what I’m going to be able to do. The apostle Paul says, it was not his will to come now.

Now why do people sometimes disagree? You write these down, okay? Write these down. Number one, because there’s personality conflicts. Now I could solve 90% of your marriage if you could just understand each other’s personality.

90% of your marriage problems are personality problems. They are. And that’s why it’s important to learn about the different personalities of people. And the Bible teaches us that there are different personalities.

And we see these personalities come through as they’re sharing the stories of the different things that they have done. But one of the reasons people disagree is because they don’t like one personality over the other, or vice versa.

that they just rub each other the wrong way just the way it is number two perspective I don’t know if you understand but people have different perspectives on things you see it one way they see it another way and sometimes we disagree it’s not because it’s wrong but it’s because we see it differently now let’s just imagine and I don’t want this to happen but let’s hypothetically imagine that on the way out somebody drives off our campus and they have a fender bender that I’m on one corner of the street and you’re on another corner of the street and the police officer comes and he asked for us to describe what happened and I tell one story and the other person tells another story and it’s like two different stories but it’s really not it’s the same story with two different perspectives Sometimes when you read the gospel,

Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, they’re telling the same story, and sometimes you’ll compare them and you’ll say, whoa, look at these differences. Is one of them lying? No, it’s the same story with two different perspectives.

It’s possible for somebody to have a legitimate perspective that is different from yours, to see something totally different. The things that impact our perspective sometimes can be the way that we’re raised.

It can be the culture we live in, the trauma we deal with, the tragedies that we face in life, and all these things impact our perspective. What’s another way that causes disagreement is priorities. We have different priorities.

Now, when I first came to the Open Door Church, there would be people to say to me, now, Pastor Mike, we need to send all the church money up to the Christian school, because that’s really where it’s happening.

And then another person would come up to me and say, now, Pastor Mike, we need to pour all our money in the youth group, because they’re the future of the church. And then another person would say, no, we need to give all our money to the missionaries, and they would say, that’s what we gotta do to get the gospel out.

And then another person would say, well, I’m tired of supporting foreign missionaries, let’s support local missionaries. And it wasn’t that any of them were wrong, it’s just that they all had different priority.

Are you with me? And there are times in ministry, there’s times in your home, and there’s times in the workplace that the reason we’re having conflict is because you might not have the same priority as the other person.

Here’s another reason that we disagree. We have different philosophies. We have different philosophies. I tell people when Dr. Dino Padron was here, he was like an evangelist who was a pastor, and he was having crusades every Sunday.

is having big rallies every Sunday, and God was using that in a great time. There was a great time of harvest. But not everybody has that philosophy. One time Dr. Padrone told me that he had 10 ,000 people in church, and I said, Dr.

Padrone, I don’t mean to be mean, but that’s impossible. You don’t have 10 ,000 parking spots. You don’t even have 5 ,000. And you don’t even have 2 ,000 parking spots. How could you get 10 ,000 people?

And he began to explain to me how he actually was counting people at different places across the state. And that’s fine, I’m not against that. But that was his philosophy. And we have different philosophies.

Different pastors, different philosophies. Different homes, different philosophies. How about this one? We have different preferences. Some of you like it one way, another person likes it another way.

You might like a certain ball team and I like another ball team. You may like music and can’t stand sports and I like sports and can’t stand music. I’m not sure what its point is. But we have different preferences, doesn’t make anybody bad, doesn’t make anybody evil, but we have different preferences in our life.

And again, so many factors can impact our preferences. You might like Walmart and somebody else might like Target. All right, so we have different preferences. Matthew Henry, who was a great Puritan, Bible commentator, preacher in his day, here’s what he said relating to this fact that godly people will sometimes disagree.

He said, even those that are united to one and the same Jesus and sanctified by the one and the same spirit have different apprehensions, different opinions, different views and different sentiments in points of prudence.

It will be so while we are in this state of darkness and imperfection, we shall never be all of a mind till we come to heaven where light and love are perfect. All he’s trying to state is the obvious church.

Don’t go into any relationship thinking we’ll always agree. And that the only way we can get along is if we’re 100% in agreement. That’s just an impossibility. It’s just an impossibility. And I know that there are many Christians that are on the sidelines today that they’re not involved in a church because they could not handle disagreement in the church.

They couldn’t handle it. And now they just burn that bridge, shut down, and don’t want to be a part of any church. The second principle I want you to learn this morning is that you got to realize that in many disagreements, each side is valid.

Each side is valid. life is made up of judgment calls. I want you to go back to verse 38 of chapter 15. The Bible says that Paul insisted that they should not take with them the one who had departed from them in Pamphylia and had not gone with them to the work.

I asked you the question earlier, which one was right? And in my paper, I concluded they both were right. They both were right. Paul had to have somebody on his team who was dependable. He was going out on the missionary journey and he was doing a very difficult task.

He was doing something that was gonna require stamina, determination, endurance, the ability to handle opposition. Remember that on the first missionary journey, the apostle Paul, that they were so upset with him for sharing the gospel that they threw stones at him and they left him for dead.

They thought he was dead. They drug him out to the city limits and they left him there to die. So if it doesn’t take much, and you’re John Mark, and you get a little pushback, and all of a sudden you fold your tent up and said, I’m out of here, I’m taking my football, and I’m gonna go home, it’s not gonna work with the Apostle Paul.

But yet we also understand that somebody’s gotta invest in John Mark. Somebody’s gotta get him to the next level. Somebody’s gotta encourage him. Somebody’s gotta come along and equip him and strengthen him.

They are both right, and they both had valid reasons of why they made the judgment call that they made. In life, hear me, in life, the heavens are not always gonna part, and God is not always gonna say, you do this, or you don’t do this.

This is how God works, my friends. He blesses you with principles in the Bible. He blesses you with the wisdom of the Father. He blesses you with the mind of Christ. He blesses you with the leadership of the Spirit, and you are called within the context of your personality, and the context of your preferences, and the context of your priorities to make the best judgment call that you can make.

And you gotta live with it. You gotta live with it. For the Apostle Paul, he felt like that was the best judgment that John Mark not come. I can’t rely on him. For Barnabas, he felt like we gotta invest in this guy, and we can’t give up on him, and I believe that he could become a great leader down the road.

They’re both right. Many disagreements are valid on both sides. There is diversity in the body of Christ. What’s important to you may not be important to me, but that’s okay. What you’re passionate about may not…

be what I’m passionate about and vice versa, but that’s okay. We don’t always have to agree on every little thing, and we don’t always have to see everything just right, and it’s okay. We might have a disagreement, but both sides are valid, and that’s important.

Third principle I want you to learn, that when you have a disagreement, you need to reach out to those you disagree with, personally and privately. But when I have a disagreement with someone at a level that it’s affecting me, now let me just put this out there.

Okay, I didn’t even put this in my notes, but I just feel that I should tell you this, that when I have a disagreement, one might ask the question, when do I have to personally talk to them about a disagreement?

Because, you know, if we spend our life trying to confront everybody and talk to everybody about a disagreement, I’m going to tell you something. That’s all we’ll be doing in life. Okay, I mean there are times people say I mean one time I came into the church and the lady said I don’t like your haircut Hey, I’m just trying to hang on to what I got much less you like what I got.

Hey man Okay, honestly, I didn’t even give it I just kind of walked off and I said appreciate the input Okay, and I just moved on in life. Okay. I mean sometimes people tell me crazy stuff You just wouldn’t believe it and I learned this from dr.

Dina Padrone. He told me Mike You don’t have to argue with everything just say that’s interesting So if I’m in a conversation with you and I say that’s interesting, that’s your cue. He doesn’t agree with me He just trying to move me along Amen, isn’t that interesting?

But when do I take that time to talk to somebody? Let me share it with you when it affects you It’s affecting your spiritual life It’s setting you back spiritually Number two, when do I talk to somebody when it affects other people spiritual life?

It’s setting them back personally Number three, I know I need to talk to someone if it is affecting the kingdom of God It’s affecting the work of God. It’s affecting the people of God because there are sometimes Disagreements are among people that it’s spreading throughout the community of faith and it’s causing a negative reaction Those are the three times that we need to try to do our best to work it out so that we can get the better Outcome and the cause of Christ can move forward.

But here’s the point I want to leave you with Matthew 5 23 verse 24 says therefore if you bring your gift to the altar and there Remember that your brother has something against you leave your gift Therefore before the altar go your way first be reconciled to your brother and then come and offer your gift The word first in the Greek means priority And so he’s saying that the priority is first before you bring your sacrifices to God our Sacrifices of praise our sacrifice of service our sacrifice of worship our sacrifices to God that we should first go make it right with our brother and our sister in Christ.

And there are times that that is necessary. How do I know why? I just told you three ways that you know. But the Bible gives us guidance on our relationships. And there are times that we do need to work it out.

We need to make sure that we handle it. The Bible says in Matthew 18, verse 15, if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.

But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. So we always start one on one. We always start privately.

We always start personally. That’s the way confrontation should always be. Even when you confront your children, even when you confront your teenager, even when you confront someone in the church, it should always be done.

Personally and privately. Now, if it’s a gross sin that’s affecting you and them and the church, yes, we have to get others involved because we want to correct that problem. We understand that. But I want to tell you that when it comes to your marriage, when it comes to your relationships, all relationships in the church, the work, you should always seek restoration.

That should be your goal. Your goal is not that you’re the policeman, not that you’re here to correct everybody, not that you’re here to change everybody, but that you want restoration. That’s why in Ephesians chapter 4, the Apostle Paul taught us, don’t let the sun go down on your anger.

And what I’m trying to tell you is that if you’re going to make it in your marriage relationships, you can’t go to bed angry at each other. You can’t go to bed with all this festering in your heart. I’m going to tell you it’s going to affect you physically, it’s going to affect you mentally, it’s going to affect you emotionally, and most definitely it’s going to affect you spiritually.

And so if you’ve got to stay up till 3 a .m. to work it out, work it out, because that’s what God wants. Do everything you can to restore your relationships. Number four, refuse to assassinate people’s character.

In this process of disagreeing, did you note that Paul never assassinates the character of Barnabas? Did you note that Barnabas never in any way tries to discredit the ministry of the Apostle? Did you note that the Bible says at the end that the church confirmed the Apostle Paul and blessed them as they were sent out?

Why? Because Barnabas didn’t take it personal, and Barnabas didn’t make it a crusade, and he didn’t make it the focus of his life, that he was going to do whatever he could to destroy the Apostle Paul’s ministry.

And I want to tell you that in life, you’re going to have to learn that there are people that you disagree with, and that it may cause… a separation but you gotta let go and you gotta give them to God and let God do his wonderful work in the heart of that person and you can’t spend your life chasing after that poison to hurt them.

Because like I told you before that trying to get revenge on someone and refusing to forgive them is like drinking poison and hoping that they die. But the truth is that while you’re bitter angry and mad at that person you’re dying.

You’re dying inside. People notice it all around you. You’re negative, you’re critical, you’re hateful, you’re rude, you’re difficult because you’re messed up inside and your relationship with God is wrong and your relationship with others is wrong and you are slowly dying.

What you really need to do is say you know what? I give that person to God. Some of you need to give your children to God. You’re struggling with them. They’re making decisions that you’re not happy with.

They’re making decisions that are dishonoring God. They’re making decisions that are creating friction in the home. Now look, you can spend the rest of your life trying to change them, and you can spend the rest of your life trying to correct them.

But I want to tell you, it’s better to pray for them and give them to God. Give them to God. You can’t pound on them every time you pick up the phone. You can’t pound on them every time they stop by the house.

You can’t pound on them every time there’s a birthday party. You gotta give them to God. Well, I just wanted to say, in 1 Corinthians 9 -6, we see later, after this disagreement, here’s what Paul again says to the Corinthians, do only Barnabas and I have not the right to refrain from working?

And what I just wanted to note is that, tucked inside this bigger picture of teaching how the church needed to support Paul and Barnabas, but Paul and Barnabas chose not to be supported by the church because they wanted the monies and energies to be used to get this church going and off the ground.

Notice who he’s partnering with later on. He never burned the bridge to Barnabas and they came full circle back together. You don’t know how God’s gonna use a disagreement to change someone and how he’s gonna use it to bring you back together.

Number five, now look, there’s only six points, so we’re on number five. Number five, resist becoming bitter. I’ve already talked a lot about it, but I just simply wanna say that conflicts in all of your relationships in the church, in the workplace or in the home, conflicts are opportunities for you to grow and for you to change and for you to experience revival with God.

Every conflict that I’ve had, I know this is hard to believe, but there are some people that do not like Mike Sanders. Aren’t you shocked? I was too. I didn’t know. I thought everybody loved Mike Sanders.

And somebody said, thank God there’s not two of them. Amen. But I want you to know that every time that I’ve had a conflict, a disagreement, and sometimes they’ve led to sharp disagreements, but God has used it to make me a better pastor, to make me a better Christian, to make me a better person, to change me, and literally to revive my heart, to help me get closer to God, and to help me to seek Him and put my attention on Him.

I’m not saying God’s out there causing conflict, and I’m not out there saying God’s looking forward to you having a conflict. But I am saying that when there are conflicts in your marriage and conflicts in your job and conflicts in the church, don’t run, but grow.

Get better. Get stronger. become more enduring. Yes, there’ll be scars, but know that God is making you more like Christ. I mean, if they didn’t like our master, how much more would they not like the servants?

Do you understand that? Now, I want you to see something beautiful. I want you to see the redemption of this relationship that we read about that Luke gives us. In Colossians 4 .10, the Bible said, this is the Apostle Paul writing, Aristarchus, my fellow prisoner greets you.

Mark, I think we heard about Mark, didn’t we? That’s John Mark. That’s John Mark. Turns out he’s the cousin of Barnabas concerning whom you have received instructions. If he comes to you, make his life difficult.

No, that’s not what Paul said, is it? But listen, welcome him. Isn’t that a beautiful story of redemption? You’re burning bridges, but Paul’s building bridges. You’re cutting people off, you’re done with them, but God’s bringing it all full circle, and he’s growing Paul, and he’s growing Barnabas, and who knows that now they’re working together, and now, I mean, after that separation, if you had that separation with Paul and said,

hey, would you send me a letter of recommendation? I’m going to the church at Colossae, and I need you to recommend me. Well, the average Christian, that wouldn’t happen because they’d already be burning bridges, never talk to each other, hate each other, and they’d be on social media attacking each other.

But here’s what Paul did. Somewhere, someway, somehow, they got back together. They worked it out, and he said, let me recommend you to the church at Colossae. By the time Paul wrote Colossians, it appears that there was mending, there was redemption.

There was restoration, and he is recommending to the congregation that the congregation welcome him. I’m not done with this redemptive story. We get to 2 Timothy 4, 11, and the apostle writes to Timothy, the young pastor, Luke alone is with me.

Get Mark. Well, who’s Mark? John Mark. And bring him with you, for he is very what? Useful to me for ministry. Don’t you remember the reason why? Don’t you remember the reason why Paul said he can’t come?

Don’t you remember he couldn’t rely on him? And then in this beautiful story of God’s redemption, he’s saying, hey, guess what? John Mark’s useful. Get him over there because he’s a guy you can depend on.

He’s a guy that’s going to get the job done. Now, look, unless you think that this redemptive story is even finished there, I want you to know, guess who wrote the Gospel of Mark? Hello, John Mark, John Mark.

I guess Barnabas did a pretty good job, didn’t he? Aren’t you thankful for encouragers? Aren’t you thankful when you fail, you falter, you messed up that there’s a Barnabas in your life? Picks you up, encourages you.

So I’m encouraging you finally to resolve, to always agree to disagree. The disagreements can exist in the family of God, and sometimes, unfortunately, they cannot be resolved immediately. Takes time, takes healing, takes restoration.

What we see here is that at the end of this narrative that Luke gives us, that Paul takes Silas, and he goes out with him, and Barnabas takes John Mark, and they go out. And here’s something I want you to know, that God is sovereign even in our conflicts.

That God doubled his effort. I want you to remember this, and I wrote it down, that the cause of God, remember this church, in your conflicts, the cause of God will triumph through all the weaknesses, all the failures, and all the conflicts that exist with his people.

The gospel will march on, just because Mike can’t get along with a personality, God’s not gonna stop his work. Just because I have a different preference than you, God’s not gonna stop the gospel going to the ends of the earth, church.

What I want you to see is that this is a beautiful story of redemption. It is a beautiful story of restoration, and you might be here in the midst of a conflict. You may be at the beginning of a conflict.

You may be a wounded soldier after the conflict. What I want to encourage you to is get to Christ. because there’s no one who heals your heart like Jesus. Whether that conflict was within the whole, in the church, or it is on the job, I want you to avail yourself to an almighty, sovereign God who has a purpose and a plan and that even in our conflicts he wants to heal our wounds and he wants to strengthen our hearts and he wants the gospel to march forward for him.

Can God’s people say that? I got a great story and I’ll let you out of here. Hundreds of years ago, there was a legendary feud between the Hatfields and the… Believe it or not, recently their families got together for a reunion.

They decided to leave the shotguns behind. One person said we’re gonna… Be on our best behavior. He was the chairman of the McCoys. His name is Bo. Believe it or not, Bo’s a minister. And he talks about how this happened and it left 12 people dead in the families, this conflict.

2 ,000 people descended on this special reunion and others came to just see if there’d be a fight. The governors of Kentucky and West Virginia got together to be a symbolic gesture of restoration. The only confrontation this time was during a tug of war and a softball game between the two families.

And as I read that story, I said, if the Hatfields and McCoys can solve their problems, surely the people of God can do even better. We can agree to disagree. Hey, people say, pastor, what are you doing in Chambersburg?

I like to tease them and I say, I’m a missionary for the Dallas Cowboys. I’m trying to win these Pittsburgh Steelers and Philadelphia Eagles over to the Cowboys. Now, you know, this guy right here already said it, it ain’t gonna happen.

We can agree to disagree and still get along, can’t we church? We can still love Jesus. We can follow these patterns, these guidelines, and we can still see God’s redemptive work in our hearts. Let’s pray.

Well, the Bible says there was a sharp disagreement regarding John Mark between Barnabas and Paul, and yet God would use this in a powerful way to bring John Mark back into the ministry and working with Paul, as the apostle would later say in Colossians that John Mark was profitable to the ministry, and this is the way God works.

Sometimes there is conflict. and differences but we cannot let these stop the movement and the cause of the gospel of Jesus Christ. So I hope you’ve learned some lessons that will help you not only in your family but your church family as well as in your community of faith in walking and talking to other believers.

We hope you are encouraged. I don’t know if you’ve checked it out but on YouTube we have a Hope Worth Having channel. Make sure you subscribe to our channel and make sure you hit the notification button, like those different videos.

They’ll be notified every time a new one is uploaded and we try to put a new one up almost every week so that you can continue to be growing in your faith. There’s also interviews on the YouTube channel.

There are some Q &A’s on the YouTube channel so take advantage of those and I know it’ll help you continue to grow in your faith.