Gender Identity and Parenting

Pastor Mike will be speaking on Gender Identity and Parenting.

Hello, this is Pastor Mike Sanders from the Opendoor Church, senior pastor here, and we are glad to have you on our Hope Worth Having podcast today. We are delighted to have with us our special guest, Sam and Debbie Wood with Family Fortress Ministry.

You guys are conference speakers, authors, and certainly mentors and counselors. And so you’ve kind of been in many different arenas with the Family Fortress Ministry. Sam, tell us a little bit about Family Fortress Ministries and how people can learn more about that ministry.

Yeah, we started actually a little over 30 years ago. Wow. Yeah. And that passion is to see revival of homes in their marriages and in their parenting and really to come beside marriages and families with the Word of God to help them have a vibrant marriage that is uncentered, a family that is Christ -centered.

So it’s an exciting thing when I think back how God has brought all of us about. I know many, many years ago, I started developing some conferences, marriage conferences, material, and had a few churches invite us to do that.

And then from there, it began to pass on to more and more churches over the years. And at the time we started, I was doing most of them by myself because we have four sons and then it was all with all the boys.

And later, as they grew older and began to leave home, she was able to travel with me and she began to speak with me in the conferences, which we realized added a great dimension to the conference, having both of us as a husband and wife speaking to couples.

And so we have No, I’m trying to think just a lot of different types of marriage conferences dealing with a lot of different subjects and the areas of marriage and Also parenting and help his parents and raising Dolly children We do conferences have been conferences and I’m thinking that probably at least 350 different churches around the country over the years and all around the United States and been in about seven different foreign countries have a real burden to equipment help pastors In foreign nations to have the materials they need to help their people in their churches that’s an amazing ministry and I’m so grateful for you guys and the impact that you’ve had on our own life and Many people that we’ve ministered to you guys have been right there ministering as well.

And so we appreciate that We’re in a cultural battle and that cultural battle is about gender identity and it’s really a spiritual battle But tell us a little bit about What gender identity uh and all the uh trans uh transitions that people are trying to make about their uh sex orientation and just tell us a little bit about how that’s impacting the family well it’s great to say in a negative way and that thing it’s all about really i think it’s if you want to say it’s a demonic uh scheme of the of the devil to destroy the family because it’s all about uh saying the man can become a woman a woman can become a man uh and when you look at that it destroys the whole picture of the family the way god made male and female and coming together in marriage is a picture of christ in the church and you can’t interchange that husband and wife so you know the devil has always hated the family he’s hated marriage calls god created christ to be a gospel re -enactment or a picture of christ in the church so the devil’s all about destroying the family in what he can and certainly every part of the kaljibiki movement is uh is about destroying what god has made beautiful and what god created to be more than the family of that so it is a major major problem yeah uh debbie um what kind of pressure is on some of these young ladies about transitioning to a different gender and tell us how they can kind of work through and navigate through all that those those pressures i think a lot of it is a desire to belong some of these ladies feel like they don’t fit in yeah with maybe they’re not popular maybe guys are not paying attention to them and that starts them questioning themselves questioning who they are and their purpose in life and it makes them very vulnerable and so i i think that’s where some of the movements are stepping in and attracting them and making them question themselves and this is one of the alternatives that they’re giving.

And I think it’s really hard. I mean, they want to belong, and then they start listening to lies. They start listening to this reasoning, and some of the reasoning I think is very, very logical. But what’s happening is they’re starting this reasoning at the wrong place, instead of starting with the Word of God and how the Creator created us to be, they’re starting with feelings.

And this is just taking them in the wrong direction. Yeah, Sam, you know, there’s parents out there who are frantic about this panicking. They don’t know what to do. Their kids are coming home saying things about the gender identity crisis.

And what advice would you give to moms and dads who are trying to help their children to work through this? I think personally, they have to educate themselves, and that’s one of the during this weekend was starting a conference on really navigating gender identity issues with the truth is because we feel that parents really need to understand where this movement came from, what it’s about, the things they’re saying,

and how to adapt that in a biblical sense. It’s more than just saying when somebody comes to you and says their child is having a problem and they want to switch over to become a girl, a boy, become a girl, a girl, become a little boy.

It’s more than just saying, well, don’t you know if you’re a male or female. When you get into the transgender movement, it’s a radical movement. It’s indoctrinating, trying to do all they can to indoctrinate children in whatever way they possibly can, as Debbie said.

And if you don’t know how to call intelligently about these issues, then you can be sure parents, many parents are fearful that they know what to say to their children. Now, there’s like I stress this weekend in our conference, there’s wonderful resources like bioengineering transgender debate.

He has a whole chapter in the back of the book answering questions, helping parents know how to answer questions their children would ask in a biblical way. Yeah, there’s other books called Gender by Levine is a wonderful little book that helps parents have a conversation with their children about this subject, how to bring it up, how to have a conversation at different ages from one to seven years old,

seven to 12. And there’s a lot of resources out here. Yeah, and I noticed when you were sharing these resources in our conference that I went and checked there. A lot of them are audio books as well.

And so I tell parents, you know, hey, look, maybe you can’t sit down and take that 3040 minutes to read a chapter, but maybe in between running from the house to the grocery store, you could listen to a book and get little snippets and just think about application and things like that.

Debbie, one of the things we’ve learned here at our Christian school is that moms are really making the decision about education. And they’re the ones usually most involved in the education of their children.

Of course, we know, Brother Sam has already brought to our attention in the conference that in the public system of education, the government schools, sometimes they’re not even alerting parents about some of the things that are going on.

But what would you tell these moms relating to trying to be discerning, I think is the word you use, Sam, about the education of their children and making sure they’re not being indoctrinated? Well, if at all possible, they need to be involved at.

school. They need to be there. They need to volunteer and see what’s going on. They need to pay attention to what their kids are being taught, ask their kids questions. What did you learn today? What did you talk about?

When it comes to public school, they need to be into the textbooks. The parents need to really check out this textbook, not just in health, but every different subject, because it can infiltrate into all of that.

And that’s a way of keeping a handle of what’s going on in school. And most of all, I think you have to bring up the conversation yourself. Start at a very early age and talk to them about what it means to be a girl, what it means to be a boy.

What are the things that you as a female like about being a girl? What do you admire about your husband that’s a male? So you need to start building that very early in your kids and keep that conversation going.

I think when you feel someone with the truth from the very beginning, I mean, you include God in all this. Right. Scripture, like Sam said, Genesis 1 through 3, especially. But if you feel your kids with truths, then they will recognize the lies when they come.

And if you keep questioning them, and just what’s going on, what do your friends say, and things like that, then you’ll know more about what’s going on at school. Yeah. I often mention to our congregation that you can’t isolate your children, but we can insulate them with the truth.

And Sam, you mentioned about having this discernment, and maybe there are some alternatives. If the public education is not working and trying to indoctrinate, what are some advice that you would give to these moms and dads?

Obviously, the alternative, one of the first two major alternatives, I guess, if you get a public school, as Debbie said, if you get a lot of parents, which they got, can’t afford the but don’t make public school or Christian school.

So, I must go in a public school, and if you do, you need to, as Debbie said, really know in that school that you need to come beside that with the intentional, radical teaching and hope about these issues, especially the issues in Genesis chapter one, which is three where you talk about God’s creation, not creating female marriage, all these different issues.

When we say a young age, we mean a young age. I’m talking about by the time there, too, when you start putting this truth into their heart. Now, of course, you can homeschool your kids, and many have chosen that option, especially since COVID and over the years, they’ve seen over these last several years that that is a great alternative.

And then you have certainly the Christian school parent, but you have to, you can’t take, I don’t believe any parent should take for granted that teacher, Christian school teacher, Sunday school teacher, their pastor, anybody.

They shouldn’t feel like they will get all their kids’ needs met that way. It’s their responsibility to make sure they’re teaching their children the truth in the hall. And it takes time to do that, but they must.

Absolutely. Debbie, I don’t want to put you on the spot, but you told us a story in the conference this week about how you were helping one of even your little grandkid, and you don’t have to be specific, but could you share a little bit about if you were helping a mom, what are ways she could communicate to that little two, three, five -year -old about the distinctions of the genders?

All right. It’s just everyday conversation. There you go. I know. Well, I’ll just tell the story. Go ahead. That’s fine with me. I just want to make sure. He was three years old, and so he was investigating everything going on in our house, you know, in the rooms.

He’s going to different rooms, and he came to a basket of laundry that had been folded, and he walks into the room with me, and he had in his hand, he had one of my undergarments, and he was swinging it around.

He said, this is yours, isn’t it, Nana? I said, well, yes. And he said, you use it. I don’t know if I should say this on… You’re fine. All right. He said, you use this to hold up your boobies, don’t you?

And I said, well, yes. And he said to feed and to feed Claire May. Well, Claire May was his newborn sister. And I thought, I am so grateful that my daughter -in -law had taken the time when he asked questions and when he was watching her feed the newborn baby to talk about it.

And she had let him know, there is a real difference between moms and dads and between boys and girls. And she had talked to him about his different body parts and how they were different from the body parts on the newborn baby.

I mean, she is going to… see it anyway. And so she talked about how God is the one that had designed and created that. And when he’s at our house, I talk with him about, yeah, you’re a boy, aren’t you?

And what’s Papa? He said, well, Papa’s a boy. And I’ll say, well, you know, what’s your mama? Well, mama’s a girl. And we talk about that. And who made your mama a girl? Well, God did, but that’s on his level.

And then as he gets older, there are going to be other questions and things come up about the differences between girls and guys and how you should treat a girl gentle. You should be a gentleman in front of her.

And I know Sam trained our boys, you should open the door for girls and treat them in a different manner because we’re different. Yeah, I think what’s interesting to me is that when I think about when I was growing up, they were saying, hey, talk to your kids about drugs, alcohol and sexual activity.

And then when my kids were growing up, they’re like, hey, you better talk to your kids about lesbianism, homosexuality, you better talk about those things and don’t wait till they’re teenagers. And now we’re talking about the gender identity and we still see the same answer is that engage your children, be intentional and communicate and making sure that you are having those kind of conversations.

What would you advise a mom and dad trying to have those conversations? Because that’s a very tough topic when you talk about gender identity. Well, I think one of the things is to, especially as they get older and have, I believe strongly in having family worshiping your home.

Yeah. That you gather your kids around the Word of God and that’s the time to read and discuss some of the Word of God, but it’s also a time to bring out cultural issues appropriately for their age. So you have your kids there and they’re 10, 11, 12 years old and they’re not insulated from everything around them.

You open, you ask leading questions to them. Yeah. You know, and those questions can be about gender, it could be about homosexuality. What do you think about what’s happening and what you saw here about this boy transitioning to a girl or this athlete that now is a male but playing in a girl’s sport?

What do you think about this? So you’re asking questions to open them up to discussion and then you fill in some of the blanks in that discussion with biblical answers and insight as a parent. So again, I think a lot of it is, what is this, Deuteronomy 6?

Yeah. Every day, when they wake up in the morning, you have a day or you go to bed at night, you’re constantly looking for opportunities to… the discussion about these subjects with them. And there would be opportunities.

Yes. Or it’s going to be more opportunities, different questions. Right. And so you look for those opportunities and you equip yourself, train yourself, try to educate yourself the best you know how with resources, like we talked about, of how to answer a lot of these questions in which I’ll answer your question.

And you don’t know how to answer just the Alice, you know, son, I really don’t know the answer to that, but we will find out the answer. Yeah, I like how you’re telling us to have that model, which obviously is Christ, the Bible, God’s truth, and presenting that to the children.

You know, and I noted in the conference, Debbie, that you were talking about that example of Christ and the bride. And I want you to kind of expand on because you mentioned about how they were not interchangeable, in the sense that, you know, you can’t switch them in their roles and everything.

And how that is something what a a powerful truth to teach your children and grandchildren. I think they need to understand that from Ephesians, where it talks about how the husband is to model after Christ and the wife models after the church, the bride.

And that’s right there in Scripture. You read that Scripture. And then you can bring in that discussion of how, because this is a picture of the gospel, and you can’t interchange the church and Christ, they can’t switch places.

And because male and female are representatives of Christ, and the bride, that can’t be interchanged either, because it destroys the gospel. And that’s just some of the reasoning that you can give to your children to show the damage that it does to the kingdom of God when you accept some of these lifestyles.

That’s good. What would you add to that, Sam? No, how I’m going to say that’s so important to understand that in teaching your children, the devil, the enemy hates, as I said many times, he hates the family, hates marriage.

And one of the tactics, one of the schemes of the devil is to try to destroy the beautiful picture that God has given us to betray in marriage of the gospel, often challenge husbands and wives. I said, really, if you understood and really took it to heart when Paul says in Ephesians 5, this is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

If you really took that to heart and realized the impact you could have on your children and the people around you by you having a Christ -centered marriage that makes the gospel, then it would motivate you to have that kind of marriage, because those people around us are hurting in the marriage.

Most people around us are really struggling, and you can be a tremendous testimony just by that example. And to bring that into… your children’s life and explain that to them. And then even as Debbie said, when you’re not using the appropriate examples of husband and wife, male and female representing Christ in the church, and you kind of interchange that, you’re destroying the picture that God made of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

So, so important. Yes, I love that so much. Well, Sam, I know you and your ministry are out on social media. Tell us a little bit about if there was somebody in crisis and they need to reach out to you, or they want to learn more about some of these things we’re talking about, how could they get access to some of your resources?

Well, they can get our website at family at church .org. And we have a lot of resources available there. We have a lot media resources available and a tip available there through blogs. Also, we have family fortress ministry app that you can download.

The platform, if you search for it, you’ll find it. In all that app, we have anything from preparing for marriage, for singles, non -information there for them. We have a conference on gender ideology and some of the issues we’re talking about in this detail.

Marriage, preparing for marriage, putting in your marriage, add him a tune -up in marriage. Current advice for parents, teaching both parents, a lot of messages, a lot of seminars. We have it on our ministry app.

You can search Family Fortress Ministries on the app. And then on YouTube, we have a whole lot of material there too. And again, you can search for Family Fortress Ministries and you can find, for example, we set a whole conference there that we did on marriage.

About, I think, 18 sessions. Just short sessions and you can pick and choose sessions depending on what you want. So you have a conflict in marriage. A whole session’s on conflict. So you can go there and find that.

We’ve got a whole series of lessons on Psalm and Psalm. Teaching through Psalm and Psalm. I think about 15 different lessons that we set. Now, let’s talk about different issues going through the scripture in Psalm and Psalm.

So there’s a lot of ministry material available on their YouTube channel, on our ministry app and on the website. Awesome. That’s great to hear. This is Pastor Mike Sanders from the Open Door Church.

Senior pastor here at the church and you are listening to the Hope Worth Having podcast. We’re going to have another session with Sam and Debbie and this time it’s going to be about parenting. So make sure you check us out.

Make sure you check out our website, hopeworthhaving .com. And this is Pastor Mike reminding you that in Christ, there is a hope worth having. Thanks for watching.